Wanting (Part I)

"The Lord is my Shepherd,

I shall not want."

Psalm 23:1

Close in rank with John 3:16, the 23rd Psalm is a very famous passage of biblical scripture that has penetrated many remote areas in the world, though not all. So, it is not unusual for a 10-year old boy to know the entire psalm from memory. At that age, I had been reciting Psalm 23 for so long and so frequently that I stopped paying attention to the meaning of the actual text.

One evening, I was having trouble falling asleep when, as a silent exercise, I began reciting Psalm 23 in French, "L'Eternel est mon berger, je ne manquerai de rien." The literal translation from the French is, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I will lack nothing." 

That stopped me cold.

Lacking nothing? 

Whom am I kidding?
Whom am I trying to trick?


I thought to myself, "Living in Haiti is living in lack." At the very least, I lacked sleep that night. As for the rest, my busy mind continued to inventory my state of lack: 

I lacked good food, loads of money, a nice home, a sense of satisfaction, a feeling of acceptance, a sense of belonging, an awareness of my real identity . . .

I could not really put my finger on it but, somehow, that night I began questioning my sense of lack. Am I really lacking the objects described above or am I simply wanting them? Further questioning revealed that those were mere samples of a multitude of wants, desires, and cravings that rushed through my head and crowded my heart that night. I realized while lying on that small twin size bed that "wanting" has characterized my heart.

Wanting to own

Wanting to have

Wanting to acquire

Wanting to possess

Wanting to control

Wanting to boast

Wanting to matter

Wanting to master

Wanting to be . . .

Wanting to be needed
Wanting to be wanted

Wanting to be sought after

Wanting to be celebrated and recognized and praised and . . .

All of a sudden, I became incredibly aware of the full power and the great danger of this wanting -- it is overwhelming, unrelenting, and heart-numbing. 

Could I be the only one consumed with wanting?

"For everything in the world --

the cravings of sinful man,

the lust of his eyes

and the boasting of what he has and does --

comes not from the Father but from the world."

1 John 2:16, NIV

A profound mystery unlocked itself in the deep recesses of my heart -- this wanting is covetousness; it is the dissatisfaction with my plight and the constant search for what others have. It is sin; it is lust. It is the antithesis of the love that God wants me to have, the complete opposite of the contentment to which I must aspire. It is in direct contradiction with what God's love tells me to do.


Lust says, "Gimme, gimme."
Love says, "What can I give away?"
Lust says, "What about me?"
Love says, "What about God? What about others?"
Lust says, "I want to spend this moment in this manner."
Love says, "I want to spend the rest of my life in the ways of God."
Lust says, "I want my preferences to be satisfied now regardless of others."
Love says, "I want to always give in to God's choices and standards. I want to do only that which will exalt God's name. I want to ennoble, encourage, and edify others."


I finally fell asleep close to dawn . . . but my heart is still awake, seeking to understand how to yield all my wants, cravings, choices, desires, and preferences to the Master.


Father, thank You for loving me so much that You'd want me to understand the 'wanting' that has lodged itself within my breast. Help me to say no to lust -- learning to want You and You alone. Shepherd my heart to follow You completely with joy and satisfaction. Amen!