One of Them

God gave me two older brothers.
I tended to think about them as one unit.
They are my heroes and I love them very much.

Growing up, I idolized them both because they were widely popular. They succeeded in pretty much everything they set their minds to tackle -- sports, academics, languages, the arts, etc. One was particularly gifted in amassing knowledge; the other was especially skilled and savvy when it came to interpersonal skills. Understandably, their list of friends was quite lengthy.

In contrast, I felt quite inadequate and unfit to be in their company. I was not a good athlete -- a sorry soccer player, to say the least. I felt awkward and shy around people, thoroughly scarred from years of bullying and betrayals. I felt that my only saving grace at the time was my singing voice, but what 10-year old boy would ever brave the snickering of other boys to use singing as his trump card?

For fear of not being counted as one of the boys, I kept my heart closed.
By closing my heart, I kept myself out of this coveted unit of brotherhood.

Though it was no fault of their own, I felt somewhat excluded from my brothers the first ten years of my life. It did not help then that there was a 10-year age difference between me and the first one, nor did the fact that an 8-year gap separated me from the other. Living in completely different generations, we were worlds apart outside of the Lilite family culture.

By the time I was 10 years old, they had both already moved out of the house, living in an apartment not too far from my parents' home. I used to relish going there to visit them because it made me feel special to be able to have some good and necessary male bonding time with my brothers.

Sensing my pleasure to be around them and aware of my awkwardness especially around other boys and/or men, one of them suggested taking me on a trip to Les Cayes (the main city located in the South of Haiti). They were both invited to attend a conference there and thought it would do me some good to join them on the trip. They requested permission from Manmie and Papi to take me and the rest is history.

I remember thinking, "Je suis l'un d'entre eux!" -- "I am one of them." That was such a boost of confidence to my boyhood. It was also such an open door that revealed a new dimension of God's favor to me.

I was invited.
I was wanted.
I was included.

I am sure my brothers had no idea how much that trip meant to me. In fact, at the time, I did not have the words to express to them the depth of my appreciation but my face was beaming and my heart was soaring throughout our preparation for the trip and our delightful stay in Les Cayes.

Eventually, that trip with my brothers served as a pivotal moment in the growing and strengthening of my faith.

It helped me understand my identity.
I learned that my identity is God's child. He made no mistake in creating me. Despite the fact that I felt inadequate and awkward, God made me a boy for His glory and pleasure. He has uniquely fashioned me to display His glory and no one else can play the part He has written specifically for me.

It opened my eyes to see my responsibility.
I learned that my responsibility is to embrace all my faculties and use them all for God's glory. I grew to understand that God has designed me to love Him fully and relate to Him intimately, i.e., to know Him and be known by Him. In asking me to love others, He has asked me to take the time to invite, include, and invest in others so that I might know them and be known by them.

It caused my heart to value Christ's call for unity.
I learned that the heart of God cherishes unity or harmony among people. I was made aware that feelings of estrangement and isolation were never meant to be a part of the human experience; they are the direct result of a false sense of identity and the failure of recognizing one's responsibility on this earth. Like the psalmist says,

"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity."

Psalm 133:1

That trip to Les Cayes with my brothers was a God-send. It has sent me on a much bigger, longer, wider, and deeper journey to become one of "them" -- the great cloud of witnesses, the fellowship of the saints, the body of believers -- as I endeavor to live with my identity, my responsibility, and my call to unity.

". . . So send I you to hearts made hard by hatred,

To eyes made blind because they will not see,

To spend, though it be blood, to spend and spare not;

So send I you to taste of Calvary . . . "

Father, thank you for the gift of my two brothers. Thank you for using their invite and their investment in me to point me to even greater and deeper truths about You. Thank you for including me in the great throng of believers, the sweet brotherhood that Christ's blood affords. Guide me to move steadily forward on this great journey or quest of enlarging this brotherhood by extending love and grace to all placed on my path. In Christ alone, I pray. Amen.