Aspipa

"The man of integrity walks securely,

but he who takes crooked paths will be found out."

Proverbs 10:9, NIV

Less than a week after I began my secondary school education, I turned 11 years old on October 13, 1985. That morning, I went to the local church (Eglise Baptiste de Bolosse) with great happiness in my heart. My happiness was based upon the fact that, in a short year, I would turn 12 and I would become eligible to rightfully join the group Aspipa.

Aspipa!

That single word gave me goosebumps. As a small boy, I regularly dreamt of the day when I, too, could follow in the steps of my older siblings and become a part of that privileged society. Aspipa is a Creole acrostic that stands for Asosyasyon (Association) Pitit (Children) Pastè (Pastors) -- Pastors' Kids Association.

What was so neat about Aspipa?
What could be so exciting about a bunch of pastors' kids meeting weekly on a Friday evening?

For one thing, the group was exclusive. In order to participate, one had to be the offspring of an ordained minister and be at least 12 years old. For another, everything that was discussed in the group stayed in the group. For someone who was often shoved aside and whose curiosity was mounting every year, I anticipated the day of my eligibility with uncommon impatience. I just had to be alive one more year before I could be included in that special group.

So, it came as a complete surprise to me when, on the afternoon of my 11th birthday, the president of Aspipa came to talk to me.

I remember the conversation as if it happened yesterday. I was just sitting at home with a captivating novel in hand when he said,

"I would like you to come and join Aspipa this coming Friday. This year, we will focus on giving a lot of concerts in churches around Port-au-Prince and I have a great song picked specifically for your lovely singing voice."

"What?!?!"

Though I became speechless, he could see by the confused expression on my face that I did not quite believe him.

So, he said,

"Believe me. You have a truly unique gift and I would love for you to join us this year. Please?"

At the time, I was thinking about all the reasons that should lead me to say no:

I was not yet 12.
I needed the approval of my parents.
My joining seemed unfair to those who had rightfully joined the group.

However, how could I possibly wait a whole other year when this offer is within arm's reach? Since projects may vary, I wonder if Aspipa would even be giving concerts the following year. Would it not be "foolish" of me to let this opportunity pass me by? Who needs to know the truth, anyway? How could it hurt?

Without flinching, I pounced upon this rare opportunity saying,
"Yes, I'll be there."
And he left.

I kept this offer a secret out of fear that my older siblings might stop me. When Friday came, I told my parents and my siblings that the president of Aspipa invited me to attend that evening's meeting. I went to the meeting and was asked to try singing the solo, which went so well that my name was added to the roster of soloists for the upcoming concerts. So, based on my voice alone, I was accepted into the group -- no questions asked.

Since no one asked, I felt under no obligation to tell them that I was not eligible based on Aspipa's requirements. Yet, on the inside, I felt like I had waved integrity and truth goodbye. I counseled myself countless times saying that it was no big deal, but deep down I knew the truth which says,

"The integrity of the upright guides them,

but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity."

Proverbs 11:3, NIV

Despite the fact that my premature involvement with Aspipa was almost right (after all, it wasn't even my idea), deep down I knew the right thing would have been to address my ineligibility from the start. Deep down I knew that the integrity of a person in big or small matters will always be a big deal because it matters to God Most High.

• Although the solo gave me a sense of success (especially on concert nights), I failed to truly enjoy it knowing the truth I was hiding or suppressing from others in the group. 
• Although the group afforded me a sense of status (now that I was in the "know"), this elevated position failed to bring me the satisfaction I had craved prior to joining the group.
• Although Aspipa provided me with a great outlet for singing, I forfeited all the benefits that could have been mine had I simply recognized the foolishness of instant gratification.

It wasn't until much later that Aspipa's president caught wind of the truth and confronted me with it. I wish I could have been the one to come clean and confess it to him. I wish I could have had the courage to forgo the satisfaction of the moment. Yet, I learned once more that, with each mistake, there is a whole lot more grace available from God's pool of love.

Thank You, dear Master, for bringing me to Your grace. It is Your amazing, boundless grace that lightens the load of my guilt even now. It is the beauty of Your acceptance that allowed Aspipa to be used as a refining instrument in molding my heart and preparing it for Your truth and love. As I follow You, order my steps that I may walk in true humility and integrity every single day of my remaining time on this earth. May my journey of love bring me securely into Your sturdy arms!