In the Back

Each need has a purpose.

Hunger can be satisfied by daily bread. 

Thirst can be quenched by earthly potions.

Fatigue can be relieved by sleep and relaxation.

For me, it did not take long upon entering secondary school to realize that I had a deep-seated void within my soul and heart. I was empty and needed fullness. Far from being satisfied, all my wanting and waiting led my mind to a single recurring question:

"How, dear Lord, could I possibly learn anything from this misery?"

I felt miserable because, as a classic introvert, I had a strong need to be "left alone." It wasn't that I really wanted to be a loner, but I needed time in solitude, privacy, and thought to adjust to my new environment. There were so many new names and faces to learn and recognize, new habits to form, and old habits to break.  I needed time to test the waters and see if I could find at least one good friend with similar interests and leanings -- one I could trust and to whom I could talk freely.

Yet, that was not to happen. I was not given time to observe and think. I was in the spotlight -- and not the coveted kind, either. Try as I may, I could not remain unnoticed. The bullies in the back of the classroom had found their new toy, their new "rag doll," in me. 

I was teased, and pushed, and mocked, and harassed, and embarrassed, and shoved, and threatened all on my very first day in secondary school. While teachers taught in the front of the classroom, the bullies in the back were busy teaching me all the things that I should hate about myself and life, in general. In a flash, I pictured the remaining seven years of my formal education at that school and the thought of those interminable years weighed heavily on my shoulders.

"Is this to be a repeat of primary school?," I asked in my heart. 

"Will a guy ever get a break in this wretched life on earth?" 

"Can't I just skip secondary school?"

"Do I even need school?"

As it turns out, I really did need school. 

I needed to attend secondary school and I needed to enroll in the divine school of life. 

It was in God's classroom that my question changed its tune. I became aware of the fact that, perhaps, obstacles and problems surface so that I might ask,

"What, dear Lord, will You have me learn from this misery?"

In time, I learned to occupy my time well in the back of the classroom. It was there that the void within me was filled as Christ entered my mind and united my heart with His very own. It was there that He taught me to listen to the heart and not merely the mouth. As the Word says,

"For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Matthew 12:34, NIV

With purpose and discernment, the ultimate Lover directed me to pay attention to those bullies. I learned to see the hurt they were hiding behind their mask of machismo. I learned to discern the true motive behind their snide remarks and belittling expressions. I learned to invest in the stock of God's love which is the greatest unifier, bringing me to treat my bullies with kindness and understanding despite our differences and my initial predisposition to hate them back.

So, yes, there were bullies in the back.

And, yes, there were great trials in the back.

However, I learned that trials and bullies are great teachers. I ought to know because I had to learn from the best, the toughest of them.

Father, I know that in all things You work for the good of those who love You, who have been called according to Your purpose. Your ways are often circuitous and curvy; help me to rely on the truth that You are always in control, guiding me ever so securely to Your love. Thank You for leading me and help me to follow gratefully! In Christ alone, I pray. Amen!